Every word matters: challenging how we talk about dementia

By Marie Alford, General Manager Growth and Innovation, HammondCare

The way we talk about dementia matters. Words like aggression, agitation, and sexually inappropriate behaviour are commonly used when referring to people living with dementia – but they can be harmful, inaccurate, and even dangerous.

These terms might feel routine in care plans or clinical notes, but they carry a powerful message. And often, it’s the wrong one.

Language shapes experience

In the past, we used outdated and damaging terms like “senility” or “senile psychosis” to describe dementia. These words reinforced the false idea that dementia was either a normal part of ageing or a kind of mental illness. This added to stigma and pushed people with dementia further to the margins of society.

Today, we know more about dementia. But we still need to update how we talk about it.

Words affect how others treat people living with dementia – and just as importantly, how those individuals see themselves.

Are they really aggressive – or just misunderstood?

When someone with dementia lashes out, shouts, or resists care, it’s often described as aggression or agitation. But take a moment and ask: What’s really going on?

That person might be confused, scared, in pain, or overwhelmed. Maybe they don’t understand why someone is trying to undress them. Wouldn’t you push someone away in that situation?

Calling it “aggression” puts the blame on the person, instead of asking what they’re reacting to. A better approach is to ask: What need isn’t being met? What are they trying to communicate? When we stop judging and start listening, care becomes more compassionate and person-centred.

“Wandering” or searching?

Another common word is wandering. It suggests someone is lost or a risk to be managed. But what if the person is searching – for a loved one, their old home, or a comforting routine from the past?

Describing this movement as “wandering” dismisses their purpose. It’s more helpful to ask: Where are they trying to go? What are they looking for? And then, how can we support them safely?

Understanding sexuality and dementia

Perhaps the most sensitive topic is how we talk about sexuality and intimacy. Behaviours like touching, disrobing, or making sexual remarks are often labelled as sexually inappropriate. But this language adds shame and moral judgment where it doesn’t belong.

In many cases, the person may be confused about social cues or expressing a need for affection, comfort, or even relief from discomfort. Someone may undress because they’re too hot or reach out because they’re lonely – not because they intend harm.

Instead of reacting with fear or blame, we should respond with empathy and understanding.

Change the language, change the care

Using clinical or judgemental terms leads to care that controls, instead of supports. Worse, it can isolate people who are already vulnerable.

When we say a person is “challenging,” we stop ourselves from being challenged. Challenged to listen differently. To see the world through their eyes. Every behaviour is a message – even if it’s hard to hear.

People with dementia are doing their best to communicate. It’s our job to understand them – not the other way around.

So, let’s be careful with our words. Let’s choose language that respects, includes and understands. Because when we change the words, we change the conversation. And when we change the conversation, we change lives.

National Dementia Helpline 1800 699 799