How to talk to your parents about moving into aged care

In 2023-24, 75,600 Australians entered permanent residential aged care, with the median age at admission being 85, according to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare.

Yet many families don’t discuss aged care until it’s too late – often after a hospital stay, a fall, or a worrying decline in health. It’s frequently a GP who first breaks the news, leaving adult children shocked and unprepared.

Starting the conversation early can make all the difference. But how do you approach such an emotional, complex topic with someone you love?

1. Choose your timing carefully

Raising the issue during a crisis – such as a hospitalisation or when it becomes clear a loved one hasn’t been eating or coping – only adds stress. Instead, start the conversation when things are calm, and your parent or loved one is well enough to take part in the planning. This gives everyone the time and space to explore options and make thoughtful decisions.

Many older people fear entering residential care and are unsure about what it means financially. Discussing these concerns early helps prevent misunderstandings later.

2. Be empathetic – not directive

This should be a conversation, not a directive. Your parent or loved one might feel vulnerable, defensive, or fearful about losing control. Instead of telling them what they need to do, approach the topic with empathy.

You might start with something like:

“Mum, I’ve been thinking about how we can make things easier and safer for you at home. I want to make sure you have the support you need – now and into the future.”

Framing the discussion around your care and concern shows that this is about their wellbeing, not about taking away their independence.

3. Really listen

Everyone has different views about ageing, getting help, and moving into care. Some may fear being forgotten or losing their home. Others might be open but unsure where to begin.

Give your loved one space to talk – and listen without interrupting. Try not to jump in with solutions. Active listening helps build trust and ensures your decisions reflect their values and wishes.

4. Do your homework beforehand

Before you raise the subject, take the time to understand what aged care really involves. Learn about the different types of support available – from respite care to permanent residential aged care, including specialised dementia or palliative care.

Talk to your siblings (if you have them) to ensure you're all on the same page. Agree on what you’re hoping to achieve – and if you’ve found some suitable homes, visit them first. That way, if your loved one is open to the idea, you can share what you’ve discovered and explain the benefits.

If they’re not keen, that’s okay – have other options ready and remind them this is just the beginning of the conversation.

5. Involve them in every decision

The goal is for your loved one to feel informed and empowered. Suggest looking at aged care homes together, booking tours, or simply visiting websites. Involving them in the process shows respect and makes the transition feel less daunting.

6. If it’s not time yet – that’s okay

If your parent or loved one isn’t ready to move just yet, that’s perfectly valid. At the very least, you’ve started the conversation – and planted a seed.

Let them know the door is always open, and that you’ll be there when the time is right.

Final word

Talking about aged care is never easy. But with empathy, preparation, and patience, you can help ensure your loved one gets the care and dignity they deserve – when they need it most.